


Dead Stars

by versadced



Category: Game of Thrones (TV), jonerys - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-05-24
Packaged: 2020-03-10 02:58:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18929908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/versadced/pseuds/versadced
Summary: ❝I was tired. I was weary of war. I wanted to rest, to laugh, to plant trees and see them grow. I am only a young girl.❞In which Daenerys Targaryen struggles with the love she still feels for the person that took her life away.





	1. Smell the air of Happiness

**Author's Note:**

> This story will be about Danys journey after Kinvara wakes her up, the struggles of coming to the acceptance of what Jon did to her after she gave him her everything and how she moves on, despite now having a constant reminder of him. I wanted to write something that had a completely different vibe from my other ff lmaoo

 

The sudden breaths, going in and out of Daenerys' lifeless lungs felt like sharp daggers pressing against her cold soft skin. It felt as if her head was underwater and despite suffocating, trying her best to hold it in, her humanly instincts gave in, inhaling the salty water. It felt like that, it felt like her lungs were filled with water, like she was drowning whilst breathing. It hurt and ached but there was nothing she could do because when her eyes shot open after God knows how long, her mouth opened too, gasping for oxygen, which her body was deprived of.

She was not exactly sure where she was, it was really the last thing she was concerned about, instead her mind instantly wandered off onto her last memory - the dark brown eyes of her lover, the person she trusted the most. She gave Jon her heart, the heart that was truly good and pure, the heart of a young naive girl that only wanted to gain back what was once her families, so she could finally feel like she belonged somewhere in the world, so she could finally feel like she was home. She gave him her heart and he pushed a dagger in it.

Her body filled with sudden anger and rage, wanting revenge, wanting to burn all of Westeros, from the North of the Stark home to the capital that was Kings Landing. She wanted to burn everyone to the ashes, everyone who wronged her and betrayed her, everyone who lied and hurt her. But she wanted to leave Jon for the last, she wanted him to see and watch her do all of it, she wanted him to see what he had done. Daenerys wanted Jon to see that the sky falling down upon everyone was his doing, not as much as hers.

But the pain in her chest and lungs brought her back to reality, and she was back to being a young scared girl. She looked like a sheep that heard the sound of a Dragon flapping its wings, wings that once were hers. She frantically searched the dark, dimly lit room, made out of old stones and rocks. It did not look pleasant to the eye but it had a weird comforting feel to it, that made Daenerys slightly relax in her own body and mind. Slightly. That's when she saw Kinvara, the High Priestess of the Red Temple of Volantis, the Flame of Truth, the Light of Wisdom, and First Servant of the Lord of Light, coming into the room through the big red door.

"Daenerys," she spoke out softly yet her voice was still laced full with confidence and authority. As it should. Kinvara quickly came to the table that she was now sitting on and wrapped a blanket around her naked cold body. Her skin was starting to regain warmth again, slowly, as the Dragons blood flowed through her veins once again, in and out of her broken heart. The heart that was permanently harmed, a big, unattractive scar, which was a constant reminder, on it, never to heal, never to be washed away.

"What happened?" She asked in a quiet whisper because that was all Daenerys could muster up from her lungs. As Kinvara started to explain how she was brought to Volantis, Daenerys couldn't help but not pay full attention, as her mind was in a completely different state, thinking about different things, so she ended up unintentionally, but nevertheless, rudely cutting the priestess off, not that she meant to be impolite, she was just... "Is Drogon okay? Grey Worm?"

Kinvara gently smiled at the girl and nodded, "Yes, my Queen, your dragon is fine. I believe so is your soldier-"

"He's more than that to me." She quickly interrupted again, her eyebrows churning downwards, sadness evident in her expression. It felt like a good minute had passed as she contemplated if she should say it, if she should waste her breath, that seemed too precious right now, on it. But, after those quick seconds that felt like a quick eternity, Daenerys let out a sigh and said, with a broken voice, a voice that did not sound like her at all, "Don't call me that... A Queen." She didn't give any more words after that, didn't explain why either, but Kinvara did not impose, nor did she question her Queens choice, the priestess just nodded her head again and dropped the matter.

Daenerys never wanted to seem weak, as in her head, a Queen should not be seen as such. She always acted high and mighty, stern even, whilst her head was tilted upwards, eyes looking down on everyone else. But that's how she felt right now. _Weak_. She was simply tired of acting tough on the exterior, tired of acting like her skin was made out of Valerian steel, because it wasn't, obviously. She just wanted to breathe again, smell the air of happiness around her rather than suffocate in it. She wanted to rest, to laugh, to plant trees and see them grow, something she had dreamed about before, she was still only a young girl... She could still be a young girl, have a taste of childhood that she never got to feel on her tongue, be free from the corrupted world that she tried to save, no worries to stop her from reaching the stars a million miles away. She was simply tired of being a Queen, she didn't want to be one anymore, she wanted to show emotions, whether it be weakness or strength, with no consequences, no points to prove. She just wanted to be Daenerys.

No other titles.

But life was never that easy. No. It never gave you what you wanted, not on a silver platter, at least. Bran Stark was already aware she had woken up from a never ending sleep, stolen from the hands of death. He was already planning with his counsel men how to get rid of the threat to the Seven Kingdoms, for good this time. But life always threw unexpected things at the soles of your feet, at times that were less than generous and more than unfitting. With that being said, Daenerys heard Kinvaras voice once more, "Did you know that you are pregnant?"


	2. Scared of the Butterflies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and i oop- enjoy this shitty filler chapter that i decided to write instead of continuing my other ff about mad dany jskjsk

Daenerys had thought about what Kinvara had said for a whole day and a whole night now. She still hadn’t regained all her strength back - her lungs still hurt with every breath that was drawn and so did the open scar on her heart. It still hurt so much, the pain that she felt, the pain that Jon caused her because of an opinion that he formed, because he decided to do the _right_ thing and take matters into his own hands. _Was he right, though? Did he do the right thing?_ It was not for Dany to decide, but if you really asked for her thoughts, she’d say no. Especially now that she knew he not only took her life away but their little baby’s, that was growing inside her, too. 

And as her hands rested on her stomach, something she kept doing now, without even noticing, a new question rang in her head - _would he have done it if he knew?_ But that’s not what brought tears to her purpley eyes, threatening to spill from the corners. No. It was the lost possibility that they once had to live together, to raise their baby together, to be a family, to be and have a home together. And it was all stripped away from Daenerys with one action, one betrayal. Her and Jon truly came to an end, with no way back, no way to their happy ever after _together_. And it made her feel so dumb because she thought that one day he could be her husband and she could be his wife, that they could rule and grow old together. It made her feel dumb because she never thought he would lie when he said he loved her too.

And maybe he didn’t, maybe he really did love her, but it didn’t erase the actions that he chose to take. Daenerys knew Jon would haunt her for a long time still yet to come and a part of her hoped that she haunted him too, for even longer than he would her.

_That’s enough_ , she thought. There were more important things to do than brood and think of the past. She couldn't change anything now, she could only live in the now and the later - the present and the future, so she picked up the feather and dipped it in black ink, deciding to take matters into her own hands, do the small jobs herself. Daenerys started writing letters - the first one was to Grey Worm, in hopes it would actually get to him, wherever he was in the open sea right now sailing towards Naath. She was happy for him, happy he decided to go where Missandei and him were planning to go before everything went downhill. She wanted him to be happy - out of everyone, he deserved it the most right now. She didn't want to be selfish, she really didn't - a part of her was trying to convince herself it wasn't, but the other part knew full well that it was. And writing that letter was another new struggle she had to face, but Daenerys did it anyways. She wrote to him that she was alive, in Volantis, and with the priestesses powers, was aware of Bran planning to take her out once and for all, even though she had no intentions of sailing back to that side of the sea, no intentions of taking back Kings Landing. She wrote to him that if he ever got scared of the butterflies, he should sail back to her, because she would be waiting for him with open arms. _Always_.

The second letter, which she contemplated about, was to Daario, who was ruling Meereen in her name. She briefly wrote about what had happened on the other side of the sea, leaving out the most important detail that was Jon. She mentioned that she had no love there only fear, that people tried to take her life away and were still trying. Not one word more than what was necessary in her opinion.

Dany wanted to write a third letter and a fourth and a fifth - one to Yara, to Bran and his council... and one to Jon wherever he was. But she decided against all of it, no letters to that side of the sea. That's when one, and only one, tear slipped down her red hot cheek, not bothering to wipe it away and pretend it never did. Maybe she should have never sailed to Westeros, maybe she should have stayed in Essos, perhaps not even as a conqueror, just a girl. She would still have Viserion and Rhaegal, she would still have Missandei and Jorah. She wouldn't be hurting like she is right now, not knowing her place in the world anymore.

That's when she looked down at her hands again, that were gently placed on her stomach. Even if she won't have a place in the world, even if she will never find it, she knew that her little girl or boy would. They will have the house with the red door and a lemon tree outside their window. A small smile found its way on Daenerys' cherry lips, something she hadn't done yet since her heart stopped beating. And for a moment she felt hope and happiness. She was really pregnant, she was carrying a baby inside her, the witches curse finally lifted away from her soul. With a sparkle in her eyes, she didn't know how but she knew, "Rhaella Missandei Targaryen."


End file.
